Wednesday, April 18, 2012

You might be Goth if. . . . .

■You pay 6 bucks for cigarettes that match your outfit
■You like to play dead in public
■You wake up still drunk at 3 in the afternoon with anonymous black
lipstick on your face
■The shade of powder you wear is called "Sheet Of Paper"
■The Count was your favorite Sesame Street character as a child
■You wear long, velvet coats in the middle of summer
■You go to Denny's at 5 in the morning and think, "These are my people"
■You think dead flowers are prettier than live ones
■You refer to your age in mortal years
■You buy $15 fishnets and rip them on purpose
■Your combat boots cost more than it takes to feed a third world child
for two years
■You've willingly undergone cosmetic dental surgery
■You own 16 or more Cleopatra c.d.'s
■You own even 1 Projekt c.d.
■You can't decide whether Morticia Addams or Lily Munster is prettier,
then decide Wednesday blows them both away
■You were disappointed to find out that "American Gothic" is a portrait
of two farmers
■You think of the hearse as a "family car"
■You own a glow-in-the-dark rosary that alternates between your neck and
the rearview mirror in your car
■You fashion your eyeliner after a culture that's been dead over 2000
■You have seen "Nightmare before Christmas" more than seven times
■Your purse is large, square and metal
■You argue on whether Poppy Z. Brite or Anne Rice has the more realistic
view on vampires
■You and your friends take lengthy drives to visit non-local graveyards
■You spell Vampire either Vampyre or Vamphyre
■Your boyfriend complains that his ribs just don't stick out the way
they used to
■Your girlfriend complains that you look better in her black, velvet
skirt than she does
■You refer to others as "The Normals"
■You are happy when no one has ever heard of your favorite band
■Christians accost you with pamphlets on the street frequently
■You accost Christians with pamphlets on the street
■You and your boyfriend fight over who gets to wear the fangs
■This list made you depressed

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